Today’s mindgasm answers an important question: is it really a “no” or is it a growth edge?
This is a next-level exploration for women who are ready to deep dive into embracing fear and discomfort, and exploring those edges as a personal decision for growth.
Real talk – my own journey is filled with fears and doubts – and I’m sharing how I break through my upper limits to continue to grow and enjoy life, using pleasure, play, and fun.
Ready to say yes to the shifts you’re craving, while making everything easier too?
Join us to find out how.
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In this mindgasm, I want to speak to understanding our no’s. But more so from the angle of what happens when your nose is fueled, actually, by fear, or by something deeper below the surface that maybe we're not quite ready to touch yet or be with something that's he is scary or intense, or that's an edge for us. And I want to start by saying that it's totally okay for each of us. It's up to us to make a decision. And it truly is a decision for whether or not we're ready to explore or open up to feeling certain things that maybe previously were too uncomfortable or too scary for us. While it is a personal decision simultaneously, it's one that has to be made. If we can expect to get out of our comfort zone and experience the growth that we really want and the new things that we really want to bring into or experience in our lives.
And i'm gonna tell my own personal experience of this, right? That obviously, even though I might look very confident and bold and just go get her for all of those things that i'm achieving and getting. I'm also still with my fear and with my doubts and with my anxieties and with my insecurities. But the difference is that I have learned, and I continue to learn and to refine more and more how to be with the things that make me feel uncomfortable without equating them to like i'm gonna die or that they're gonna destroy me.
And this is a process of like building up to that and being able to do and feel like more and more intense things, because remember like anything that want that we don't have right now, right? We're asking for more intensity in our life. If it's good intensity or bad intensity, that's just us in our brains making judgments or decisions. When our body feels intensity, it doesn't say it's good or it's bad. That's our brain making that decision and making that judgment. So I don't know if you've ever heard me, say the expression, fears, anxiety without breath, right? Because fear, fears, anxiety, no. Okay, clearly, i'll just say caviar that i'm about to get my periods and my brain is in all different million places. Right? Now that's one way that I know when i'm in that part of my cycle. Fear is excitement, fear is excitement without breath. By the way, if I had made mistakes like this, a couple of years ago and like any coaching or in front of a client, I would be mortified. I would probably delete this whole message. You need to start over because I have to be perfect and fuck that.
Anyway, fear is exciting. Excitement without breath, because fear, energy and excitement energy, it's the same energy in our body. It's just what our brain decides is okay or isn't okay. And then based on that, how we start reacting to that energy, which is why, like if you're feeling afraid, bringing breath, allows you to stop, just being in your trauma reaction mode, and it allows you to give yourself more space to slow down, to lower your heart rate, to not just pay attention to what's going on out there.
But to start to pay attention to yourself and feel connected and see how you actually feel and also notice different kinds of things. Right? So when we want more of anything in our life, we're really asking for whether it's money or success or opportunities or love, we're asking for more energy, more intensity. What happens next is how do we start to prepare ourselves and train ourselves and and use ideally my favorite pleasure and play and fun to do that training.
So as the intensity starts to come in, we don't get kicked into our reaction mode or defense mechanism mode, which is when you see people do self sabotage, right? When they're like in all this momentum, and then they get sick or like me, i'll get in a big fight with my husband as a way to like off load, all the intense energy, and i'll bring it into a fight to release it instead of learning, which now I do instead of getting into a fight with my husband, learning how to slow down, how to breathe, to allow more and more of that intensity that I want.
There's a lot of intensity that's gonna be coming into my life, because we're growth minded people. So, yes, my business and a lot of stuff is doing really, really well. And now my next level is gonna be thought leadership. So you might see that i'm gonna be talking about, I wanna write a book and I wanna do a ted talk and I wanna be paid to do public speaking. I'm gonna put it out there that I wanna get paid $20,000 to talk on stages. And with that intensity comes like, like, am I good enough? And what am I gonna say? And who the fuck do you think? You are to command that and just like all of the things, right? And so if i'm looking at this question that you're asking specifically, right? I don't want to feel desperate, right? I don't want to doubt myself. I don't want to chase acceptance. Those are very different things, right? Those are the actual feelings. The I don't wanna feel that. Right? So because you don't want to feel those things. You're not doing the things that the real world inspired actions that need to be done, which is reaching out to agents, going to auditions, preparing reels, whatever, et cetera, because I don't want to potentially feel those things, right?
So same with me. I don't wanna get rejected. I don't want somebody to say what you're crazy and greedy for wanting $20,000 or who or get rejected by a publisher who would want to read this book or putting out a book and nobody buys it, right?
And so if I was too afraid of feeling those uncomfortable feelings, I would do a lot of things to get in my way so that I wouldn't put myself in that position of possibly feeling the intensity of those things that i'm afraid of. But through the practice, right through building the momentum, through training and allowing ourselves to feel the excitement of what we want, and also knowing that we can hold ourselves, even if things are disappointing, even if things don't happen in the moment, right?
Then that's how we stop getting in our way. And that's how we allow ourselves to say yes, to the things that we want and go after them, even if the things that we're afraid to feel, feel like an owner body because who wants to feel shame, who wants to feel rejection, right?
But it's about it's about separating those two things, right? Like becoming successful, let's just say, hitting your goals. It doesn't mean that you have to be chasing acceptance, right? You can be going after your goals and doing the things that you wanna do.
And simultaneously when the fears are the feelings of chasing acceptance or feeling desperate or feeling rejection, when those natural things come up because they're just there below the surface, right? Like when they come up that you can be with them, you can work with them. And that's why you're in this program. That's why you're working with me and in this community.
So that if and when they come up, how can we support you through that? How can you be different with it instead of kicking yourself like back into survival mode or into like shut it, all download and i'm not doing anything.
And I love, but I have a coach. She always asked me the most like simple questions whenever I get into like my own head about it. Like i'll be like I don't want to do that. It feels like if i'm talking to somebody and the conversation dies out or they say they're gonna get back to me, they don't get back to me by a certain day or whatever. From my fear place, the stories come up of. They're not interested. I'm not good enough like whatever those things might be. It's my job, right? To not let those limiting beliefs and ideas get in the way and become feelings that get in my way. Right? So I get out of my head. I talk to my coach like, I do the things, the real world inspired actions that I need to do. That are part of me getting the things that I want, because I just want somebody like the founder of ted x if there is a founder to just shoot me an email and be like, I was listening to your pod cast and I love it, like I want to give you a headlining ted talk right now, right?
And actually that is one of my manifestations that i'm working on is I really want journalists. I really want an amazing journalist to find my pod cast and listen to it and reach out and want to write like a feature article in the new york times or a new york magazine like that's definitely something that I want.
Simultaneously. I have real world things to do in order to get to those places, even if that manifestation happens. Right? Like I have to create my talk for ted. I maybe I have to be in a couple of magazines first before this journalist reads or listens to a different pod cast and finds out about me and then finds my pod cast, right?
Like there's real world things that I have to to do and my coach some of the questions one of her favorite questions to ask me she's like but you like making money, right? She's like and you like working with new clients, right? She's like reach out, she's like stop making this complicated, stop making this about you. Like people get busy, people forget things like people are they have their kids and their schedules and they're this and they're that like do it.
And it's my job then to to work with my mindset and to shift out of like the stories that i'm telling myself. And i've been in those places where I don't want to feel desperate. I don't want to feel like I have to do those things and I get it. And the thing is that we don't have to do those things, right? We can just stay and sit and wait, and you can wait as much as you want for somebody to reach out. But make that decision, that's what you're gonna do. You're just gonna like sit and wait and I don't know how long it's gonna take.
And simultaneously, while you're waiting, like take inspired actions, like do the things that's gonna bring you closer, that's gonna build more energy that's gonna help you in the real world, right? Because there's that joke about like the man that every day he prays to god, and he says, god, I want to win the lottery every single day. God, I want to win the lottery. Please. I want to win the lottery every single day. Until one day he dies. And he goes up to heaven, and he meets god. And he said, god, I prayed to you every day that I wanted to win the lottery, and god said, but you never bought a ticket. So how can you buy your lotto ticket every day? And when you buy that lotto ticket, if the fears come up, right? I want to be a millionaire, but what if i'm not a millionaire? What if I never win? How can you allow yourself to be supported and to do different things and to work with those fears, those totally natural, normal human fears that come up for all of us?
I'm fully here to help you with it, fully here to help you with it, because your decision, right? What you want more is what you want. It, it's committing to what you want instead of committing to being afraid of or not feeling the things, right? Like that's the decision that you want to make is how important the things that you want are. And the ways that you wanna feel are. And as part of that, it's gonna be releasing some of those hidden nikki things that are down there. But I can promise you that they're not as scary as you think that they're gonna be. And it's not as painful and as traumatic. Even if in the past, it was even in the past if it was. Because who you are now is different and the support that you have and you being in this program, it's different.
Let it be different. And whenever you are ready, because I know that my clients would say, yes, i'm ready, i'm gonna do this. I'm gonna try. They get the things that they want. They have those shifts. It's even just that willingness, that openness. You don't have to be a different person. You don't have to have all these different things. It's just about you saying, yes, and opening up to it.
And we'll work through all that stuff that comes up together. And it's gonna feel easier than you can possibly imagine and more fun, also. And if you need more proof, more expanders for that, all the women in this group will tell you all of them. Well.
So I'm really excited that you're getting to this place, and I'm really excited that we're gonna do it together. Let me know how this lands for you if you have any questions, anything like that. And I'm here with you, mama.