Manifesting Myself as the Healed MOTHER ARCHETYPE – Transcript
Hey, Facebook . Hey everybody. It’s your girl, Michelle Keinan, also known as The Have It All Queen. Y’all, it has been an amazing few days of me coming on live and sharing the real with you about my journey from little Bibe. First American child of immigrants growing up in Queens in the gritty city. To being the half all queen that I am today.
And all of this is in honor of not only my birthday, which is tomorrow, I’m so fucking excited. Um, but a revolution that I’m launching, a huge drop that I am sharing, and also the free. Gift that I am launching and giving to everyone, everyone, every woman, everyone. Men too. You can have it too, but it’s just more applicable to women, to every woman that truly wants to feel like a wildly successful woman on your own terms.
You wanna have it all. You wanna hold it all. You wanna enjoy the fuck out of life. If that’s the. , you’re in the right place. Um, if you’re popping on live now, let me know that you’re here. Say hi. Leave a comment so I can give you some virtual love. And if you are catching the replay, leave a comment.
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So today I’m talking about something that affects a lot of powerful women, and Lord knows it affected me for a long, long time. And it is my relationship or your relationship with our mothers. And so I’m gonna be talking today about healing our mother wounds, healing our maitri lineal. Front and back, whether you have kids or not, um, and making choices about the kind of woman that you get to be, the kind of power that you get to channel without, um, turning into your mom
Now look, everyone’s mom has amazing qualities and I wanna just even start this video by saying that. , if I had given this talk even a year ago, it would’ve went really differently. Um, my relationship with my mother. Has been pretty challenging for most of my life, uh, with my family too. Uh, but it just felt so much harder with my mom.
Um, I never felt understood. I never felt accepted. I never felt like I could do good enough. I never felt like I could be. who or what she wanted me to be. And my whole life it felt like I was being told to change. I was supposed to straighten my hair. I was supposed to lose weight. I was supposed to not be so loud or talk back so much.
Um, I come from a, a strict Russian Jewish immigrant families, so I had great grades, but if it wasn’t a hundred, It wa the question wasn’t like, it was like, oh, amazing. It was just like, where’s the other five points? Where’s the other two points? Like I grew. Feeling right? Like my parents, like most of our parents are doing their best, but I grew up feeling like I didn’t fit in.
And that being me, being fully, authentically me was not the vibe . And that I had to constantly, um, contort myself or shrink myself or not be my full self, or that I was constantly being misinterpreted or misunderstood or saying things wrong and it. . It just really fucking sucked. Like I always wanted. And, and leave a comment if you can relate, because this is a very, very common thing and in a lot of my work, what I do is I, I pull stuff out of the shadows.
I, I talk about really shameful things or scary things or painful things. Um, not so that we re relive our trauma, but so that actually we can process, um, and we can show up as our empowered. Female selves as our own healed mother archetype to hold the space for the woman that we wanna be, and also the child that we once were in a way that our parents could never do that.
Whether your parents are immigrants or not. Generally the generation behind us didn’t have any of this knowledge. Uh, didn’t have the capacity. They were busy with. The world was a different place. Women were fighting for other things. systems were set up differently. Therapy was not accepted, right? Like there weren’t, in my family, at least, there weren’t conversations about like emotions and, you know, and, um, and acceptance and gentle parenting was not a thing, right?
And so for many of us, Especially outspoken, powerful women like us women that didn’t fit in black sheep, if you will. And by the way, if you have ever felt like a black sheep, it’s because you are a healer. Even if that’s not what you do for your profession, you are a healer in your family. You are here as a pattern breaker.
So I wanna honor you. If you feel like a black sheep, you couldn’t even comment black sheep. And I will tell you, I will show you exactly how your black sheep. How you’re different is the most healing thing, not just for you, but also for your family. Um, Yeah, most of us grew up feeling like there’s something wrong with us, and then it’s something that was ingrained in us from childhood and we continue to carry it into our lives, into our relationships, into our career, into how we show up as parents too.
And it fucking limits us, right? Because imagine if from when you’re little you are criticized or you’re taught. How you are who you are is unacceptable or it’s inconvenient for other people, or it’s rude or whatever you carry. Not just the belief, but the feelings that the belief give you, right? It might make you feel ashamed, it might make you feel, um, insecure.
It might make you feel unworthy. It might make you feel, um, out of place. Doubt yourself. So many things, and we carry those feelings into. Adulthood. I don’t know if you’re familiar with inner child work. If you are, you can let me know, but it’s part of the incredible gifts that I share with my clients and what I do with my clients that helps them break free from these generational trauma bonds that we have with, um, our parents.
We like carry it and then we blame our parents, right? So many people do therapy and they’re like, it’s because of my mother that I’m like this. Or when I asked my clients, . Why do you believe that? Like, why do you think that about yourself? Whose voice is in your head? They’re like, it’s my mom’s, or it’s my dad’s, or it’s my th my teachers, right.
We’re like carrying the energetic. Burden and baggage and beliefs and that energy from people from the past. And again, look, our families always did their best. Like I’m a neurolinguistic programming practitioner as well as a somatic therapist. And one of the things about N L P is that you have to understand that people are always doing their best, even when the outcome isn’t good or the action that they take is shitty, they’re doing it from a.
where it, they’re, maybe they love you and that’s why it gets so confusing, right? If you love me, why would you cheat me like this? Why would you talk to me like this? Why would you criticize me like this? But understanding that our parents were doing the best that they could, very freeing, and at the same time deciding not to.
Become them . Not to repeat those mistakes, but what do you do, right? If that’s all that’s modeled for you, how do you build something else? How do you heal yourself? How do you break free from all of that shame and that belief that’s been put inside of you, that you’re wrong. You’re a burden, you’re unworthy, you’re not good enough, you don’t fit in.
You need to change in order to be loved. So many powerful women are carrying this. Very painful truth or belief inside of them. And for so many busy women, successful women, we’re actually staying busy. A lot of you are staying busy to avoid the pain, right? And you keep, um, Going after achievements or our promotions, or I wanna make this much money.
I wanna buy this house, I wanna get this bag, I wanna do this thing, this status, because we’re looking for that dopamine, we’re looking for that feel good, like, oh, I’m good. Oh, I’m worthy. Oh, I’m qualified. Oh, they love me, right? Like so many of us are looking for that justification that. From the outside without really dealing with not only where it came from, but what you can do now to find that power within, which is actually the coolest fucking thing, , because so many.
people feel disempowered and frustrated because you’re trying to find that hit, that power, that satisfaction from outside of you. But it’s all from in here, right? Anything we want out there is because we wanna feel a certain way and we can choose and we can create experiences for ourselves to feel that way.
Right here, right now, you don’t even need anything. You don’t need the money, you don’t need the house. You don’t need. Uh, the perfectly behaved children, . I can show you how to have those, how to make the world respond to you in that way, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. And what I had to learn and what I’m offering you, what I’m sharing with you here is an opportunity.
right? That most of us, and I’m gonna talk about women and our mothers, um, we learn to act in certain ways. First of all, there’s the pain of the criticism and the unacceptance and the never living up to what our, what we think our parents want us to be. And then simultaneously we, um, shrink ourselves.
Because, you know, we watched our parents, we watched our mothers do what they had to do, not only to survive, but to raise families, to make money to, to, you know, put food on the table, to do whatever. And we also watched their pain, all the things that they had to give up that they didn’t allow themselves to do, that they didn’t allow the.
To be, um, ways that they punish themselves, criticize themselves, talk shit about themselves, stressed out, freaked out. We watched all of that and we’re like, oh my God. Like, and there’s a subconscious psychological part of us that. Stays connected and shows love to our mothers by staying in those same vicious cycles.
It’s really fucked up. It’s really fucked up, right? Because we know that our parents want us to be happy. Most of us, you ask your parents, what do you want? And they’re like, oh, we just want you to be happy. And so they say, so, marry this person and make this much money and have this job, and have this house, and then you’ll be happy.
But what they really want is for you to be happy. But if we’re too happy, If we’re too self-expressed, if we’re too successful, if we’re too authentically ourselves, something happens in our relationship with our parents. That freaks our moms out, that freaks our parents out. And so we learn to be nicer, to be smaller, to behave, to be obedient, to be the good girl to, and when we’re not, then we’re bad and we are hurting the family, and we’re hurting our mothers.
And this is a place where a lot of powerful women are stuck. And I was stuck in this place too. Like literally y’all, I’m turning 41 tomorrow and I would say I don’t remember my baby baby years, but I would say for at least. 35 years of my life, it’s felt like this in my family. And my reaction, cuz I’m an extroverted, big energy kind of person, was to just be like, fuck you, fuck you.
I’m me. I hate you. You, you know, you don’t accept me. You don’t understand me. . And look, that’s, that’s my, uh, my defense mechanism. The fight one , everyone has a different one. Fight, flight play, dead fun. We all have different ones, right? And mine was to rebel, right? I talked about rebelling in one of my first lives from last week that I’m doing in this series.
And I had a really difficult relationship with my mom. And the more it felt like, the more I was. . The more she hated me, the more she didn’t trust me, the more she thought I was an idiot, the more she thought that I was disrespectful, that I was unacceptable, that I was unlovable. Gosh, all the things. And it made me so mad and it made me feel so hurt.
And now I know from this place how hurt she felt. and that it’s okay . I’m not saying we should hurt our moms, but it’s just part of that separation sometimes of becoming a healed mother archetype, of becoming an empowered woman that has everything in her life, including an amazing relationship with her mother and with her family of origin and with her children like I do today.
And I had to learn how to stop fighting it. I had to learn how to stop fighting. And this is wild because that’s what so many strong women are taught how to do, and that’s what we watched our mothers do. We watched our mothers fucking fight, fight and claw and blood, sweat, and tears for their survival, for our families, for our future.
We watched them do it, but remember what I said about our parents coming from a different generation, a different time, different systems, different realities. For those of you that also have immigrant parents, very. realities, income levels. You don’t have to fight. Hmm? You don’t have to fight. I’m talking to you.
I’m not talking to all the women, I’m talking to you. You don’t have to fight. You don’t have to do it the way that your mom did it. And if you wanna be and have it all queen, if you wanna be a wildly successful woman, it’s not gonna happen by you emulating the patterns and the struggles and the tools that your mom had to.
in order to get to where she got, because she got to a certain place and she took you there. And now it’s time for you to get to another place. It’s time for you to have the life and the relationship and the career and the relationships with your kids and your friends and with the universe that you want, and that feels really, really good to you.
And in order for me to do that, the way that I had to do that is I had to learn how to stop fighting. Most women are taught that in order to have what we want, we have to fucking fight. We have to demand, we have to speak up, we have to push, we have to scream, we have to make ourselves be heard. We have to knock down walls, we have to break glass ceilings, and I get that.
And sometimes, absolutely there is a time and place for everything, for those things to be used. But guess what happens when you. When you fight your mom, when you fight the system, when you fight your husband, when you fight your children, they fight back. The harder you push, the harder you get pushed back, the more you meet that resistance.
So what the hell? What do you do? What the fuck do you do? You wanna be you, you wanna be in your full power and this is how you do it. You stop. . You stop fighting everyone else out there and you get right with yourself. I had to get so right with myself. And look, this can be a point of confusion because I’m talking about your unapologetic self, but it’s not this energy.
It’s not, fuck you. I’m me. Energy. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Why? Who are you, who are you directing that too? It’s. I love me, I’m me energy, and I don’t have to fight you, and I don’t have to prove anything to you, and I don’t have to push you and I don’t have to. It’s not about you. , right? Like, check yourself. I want you to think about this.
I had to think about this too that I, for so long was living in opposition to the people or the situations or the systems around me, and it’s only once I stop doing things against, in order to feel myself, but truly connected with myself, truly love myself, truly. Just was in a hundred percent approval of who the fuck I am and what I want.
And was just in, you hear, did you hear how my voice just did that what I want and not what I want? It’s so subtle. , this energetic shift. and it is everything. It is everything. Because once you stand true in that, you’re unfuck, withable, nobody can mess with you. Even if other people don’t like it, don’t understand it, don’t approve of it, it doesn’t matter.
There’s no problem there. Or it’s their problem. And what happens so often, so often, right? Because most, most of y’all are sitting here like, yeah, well, if I do that, nobody’s gonna love me. Everyone’s gonna abandon me. Like it’s gonna be worse than ever. . Here’s the thing. My clients know this is that when people have a problem with what you do or, or who you are or how you behave, actually they’re only reacting to the hidden subconscious part inside of you that also has a problem with it that thinks that it’s bad or wrong, or shameful or inappropriate, or that expects people to reject you or not like you.
that’s what they’re reacting to. And so if you clean that energy inside of you, if you heal that part of you, if you just know without a doubt in the most quiet, grounded, mm, like way that you’re fine and that who you are is fine, and that what you want is fine, and how you feel is fine, and the way that you do things is fine, and not just fine, is just amazing and perfect and lovable.
Guess what? People might have a reaction, but then there’s nothing for them to push against. And so they might have that reaction. And if you still connect with, yeah, okay, I feel you. I feel you like that, and I’m still good. Something’s gonna shift in that dynamic. Something is gonna shift in that dynamic and I’m seeing comments.
I haven’t spoken to my mother for over eight years. She’s an awful person, and I just, I wanna send a big hug to you and like, I know I’m talking in general, right? It’s just that I’ve seen it again and again and again, and I’ve seen it myself. I had to, I moved halfway across the world. I put an ocean between me and my parents.
I stopped speaking to my mother for many years. Actually. Crazy enough, we were talking about energy. . Um, I couldn’t get pregnant for a really long time, and I only was able to get pregnant once I cut off my mother for some time. And only then was my energy clear and my womb space open, and that’s only the time when I got pregnant, until I stopped fucking fighting her.
I stopped hating her. I stopped. I just lost the charge for her. Do you understand? It’s not about if they’re good people or bad people or anything like that. It’s just the charge in me, the oppositional charge in me. melted and everything in our relationship changed. Now, look, I had to put up boundaries. I had to, um, learn how to speak differently.
I had to stop assuming the worst was coming. I had to do a lot, a lot of self-care. And for those of you watching that are in my wildly successful woman program. Y’all are getting all of this, so, mm. It’s gonna be so good. I, I, you know, there’s so many people that join my programs that are like, they’ll never change.
My husband will never change, my mom will never change, my kids will never change. And I’m just like, uh, Uhhuh . Sure. Let’s start with you. Let’s start with you changing first and watch how everybody around you changes because they’re meeting you in that different place. Once you heal the parts inside of you that you hate, that are your shadows, that secretly just you.
everything in your relationships change without you having to change other people. I just, I want every woman to know this, that we don’t have to fight, we don’t have to push. And having my daughter made it even more clear and important. Because here’s the other thing, right, is I, I knew I didn’t wanna be my mom for so long, and so I was doing all these things to not be her.
But guess what? When you. Trying not to be something. Everything’s about that thing. And I started catching myself doing things like I even caught myself, my mom, she worked so hard all my life. Um, you know, my parents came here with nothing and they worked so hard. So she was on her phone a lot doing deals.
She was always home cooking dinner, but always on her phone. And I always used to hate it. And, um, my four year old a, a month ago was just like, Ima. Why are you on your phone so much? And I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and I was like, oh my God. Oh my God, here we go. Right? It’s always the patterns that you don’t see the things and you’re just like, God, God damn it.
God damn it. All right, . But that’s why we pull things outta the shadows, right? Like that’s why we pay attention to those things so that we can change them if we want to. And. and I did it. At first, it became just, hmm, I have to do it for my daughter because I just didn’t want her to have that same experience that I had growing up.
But ultimately I did it for me. I did it for me and it’s so wild because on Saturday we’re flying down to Miami for a week and um, we’re doing that for my birthday and we’re staying with my parents and there was a very long time, I told you for 35 years that I would never, I’d never choose to do that. I would never choose to stay with my parents, spend time with my parents, call my mom, talk to her, shoot the shit.
I used to have trouble. letting her hug me. Um, I used to have trouble saying, I love you to her, because I felt so rejected and I felt so, um, misunderstood. And so it’s even now, like when we hung up the phone this morning even that I called her this morning, I’m grateful and that I said, I love you. And she said, I love you.
To me, I’m grateful and that I’m going to Miami to stay with my parents, my family. I’m grateful. , I did not have, I have not had this relationship with my mom until, until, until I got right with myself, until I stopped blaming her for all the fucking shit inside of me. And I started to love all that shit inside of me until I realized that she was doing the best that she could.
Even if it didn’t feel like the best of me, basically, I stopped making it about. and I made it all about me , which is wild, right? Oh, don’t be too selfish. Don’t be too much for yourself. Doing everything that you need, just paying attention to you. That’s fucked up. It’s the most fucking healing thing that you can do.
And my mom is learning so much from me about being a mom, about loving my daughter and her loving me. She watches me. She told me the other week that she’s just respects. I am who I am as a mom, and I’m just super emotional because I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that we would get here. And I’m sharing this with you because like I said at the beginning of this video, if you haven’t watched from the beginning, please.
Please watch. So many powerful women struggle with this. So many powerful women struggle to receive their mother’s love, but truly it’s a struggle for us to receive our own love too. And, um, becoming your own healed mother archetype is the most healing thing that you can do for yourself. And it’s truly the most healing thing that you can do for your relationship with your mom and her mom, and her mom, and her mom and her mom, and for your future.
for your children or for any future generation of children that are in your life that can see that and learn that from you. , this is such an opportunity. . I love being a mom, and when I, um, got pregnant with my daughter, I was fucking terrified because I remember one of the things my mom would tell me growing up is, I hope that one day you’re pregnant and you’re pregnant with a girl and she treats you exactly the way that you treat me so that you could suffer the way that I did.
And so that was like this. , um, that my mom, I felt like my mom put on me. And when I found out I was pregnant with a girl, I was terrified. Beyond terrified. And, um, and it’s just been the biggest blessing to mother, a little girl, and to heal myself through that. To stand as an empowered woman and mother for myself, to show my mom a different way of mothering and to allow her to love me in my mothering and watch her be a grandmother and.
Um, it’s possible. So if you’re curious about this, if you have a hard relationship with your mom, I totally get it. I totally fucking get it. Uh, leave a comment or just shoot me a dm if you wanna talk about it. Talk about what it looks like to heal your mother wound to step into your own healed mother archetype.
I’d love to share about, not just my experience, but talk about your experience, your beliefs about your mom, your beliefs about yourself, about love. And about what’s possible for you. And tomorrow’s my birthday, . I’m dropping my free gift, my incredible free gift. Tomorrow you’re definitely gonna want it. So comment, gift, to make sure that you get it or shoot me a DM and stay tuned for my big announcement.
Tomorrow I am dropping some major beautiful up-leveled energy. Mm. Y’all are gonna wanna be here for this. All right? I love you guys. So excited and um, I’ll see you tomorrow for my big announcement for my birthday. Bye .